


I Could Go Off The Deep End

by dabforpalermo



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Charlie takes care of everyone, Charlie-centric, Dad Friend Charlie Dalton, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Pre-Slash, Protective Charlie Dalton, Suicidal Thoughts, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 06:42:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29837595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dabforpalermo/pseuds/dabforpalermo
Summary: 5 times Charlie Dalton takes care of his friends, and one time they take care of him in return.
Relationships: Charlie Dalton & Everyone, Charlie Dalton/Knox Overstreet, Steven Meeks/Gerard Pitts, Todd Anderson/Neil Perry
Comments: 2
Kudos: 46





	I Could Go Off The Deep End

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from Brave as a Noun by AJJ. I hope you enjoy :)

**1)**

To be honest, Charlie doesn’t exactly know what’s going on. He’s behind most of the group, chatting quietly with Todd about their newest English project, and planning what he’s going to do tonight in his brain, so he can’t exactly focus on the boys in front of him. Besides, he has a rule when he’s with Todd, that he gives him his attention as much as he can. Todd gets spoken over the most in the group, and though Charlie has the loudest voice and the most charm, he knows how it feels to need to fight to be heard. 

So, by connection, he doesn’t notice when the boys stop walking. He figures they’ve stopped in order to allow him and Todd to catch up. He quickens his pace a little, close to joining the club, but his attention is only fully drawn when he hears his name. 

He looks up, barely having time to register the conversation before Knox is pulling his arm back, throwing a harsh punch Cameron’s way. The ginger boy stumbles back, his hand coming up to his nose as blood pours through his fingers. Charlie shares a look with Todd and rushes toward the group, not getting there quick enough, because Cameron has time to fight back before Neil and Pitts drag him away. Charlie grips Knox’s arm, pulling him away, a hard glare on his face. 

“Hey,” he shoves him. “What the fuck was that about?” 

Knox pulls away from him, bringing his thumb to his bottom lip and swiping it over the cut. He spits some blood out on the ground, taking a minute to catch his breath. 

“Seriously, Knox, I know it’s hard, but you can’t just punch him.”

“Fuck off, Dalton.”

“Jesus,” Charlie shakes his head, looking over to where Todd is staring at them with concern. He shrugs, peeking over at Cameron, who is looking angrily at the ground, his coat pressed to his bloody nose. “Get inside.”

“Charlie-“

“Inside.” 

Knox sighs, spitting some more blood out and making sure to flip the bird at Cameron, who yells something back, but Charlie keeps a hand on Knox’s back, pushing him into his room and onto the desk chair. 

“You okay?”

Knox waves him off, but Charlie can see the painful tenseness of his face. He grabs a water bottle and some Kleenex, not even having the brain to make a joke about why Knox has those sitting next to his bed. He wets a couple and gently brings it to Knox’s lip, catching the blood that’s sliding down his chin. 

“Why’d you punch him, man?”

“Said some bullshit,” Knox mumbles, his words practically incoherent with his swollen lip and blood induced lisp. 

“What bullshit?”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“I heard my name.”

Knox gently pushes him away, using his own hand to hold the tissues to his mouth. “Like I said. Doesn’t matter.”

Charlie rolls his eyes, sitting on the bed. “Look, as much as I appreciate a handsome knight like you defending my honour, I’m fine. Really.”

“Alright, princess. Can you get me some advil?”

Charlie digs through his bag, handing over a couple pills. “Your roommate home tonight?”

“Nope.”

“I’ll get my stuff. I don’t really want to sleep with Cameron tonight.”

Charlie leaves the room, going to his own dorm, where Neil is already waiting for him. Charlie looks around for a second before sighing. 

“Is Cameron okay?” 

“He’s fine. Deserved it.”

“Fuck did he even say, dude?” Charlie grabs his pillow, throwing an extra shirt in his bag and sitting down on the bed across from Neil. 

“Do you really wanna know?”

“Was it that bad?”

Neil shrugs. “Accused you and Knox of.. being together. Romantically. Well, more sexually, but-“

“Jesus..”

“Called you some names, too. That set Knox off. He didn’t really care about the rumours, but once he started with the shit talking, Knox was already pissed.”

Charlie shakes his head. “Well, I hope he has a broken nose.”

“Unfortunately not. He’s not gonna fink, though. Pitts and I told him we’d all jump him if he did.”

Charlie smirks. “Attaboy.” 

“Where are you off to?”

“Sleeping in Knox’s room tonight.”

Neil darts his tongue over his bottom lip, closing the door slowly. Charlie gives him a suspicious look. 

“If I ask you something, promise not to get all pissy?”

“Sure thing, babe. Pass me my brush?”

Neil tosses over the hairbrush Charlie keeps by his mirror. “Are you and Knox together?”

Charlie’s first reaction is to scoff. “No.”

“Do you want to be?”

Charlie turns his back to Neil, shoving the brush into his bag and grabbing his textbooks. 

“Charlie?”

“Look, I don’t really care what anyone else does, I just- I’m not gay, man. Sorry, I know you were really hoping I am. Doesn’t mean we can’t make out-“

“Shut up and go sleep with your boyfriend.”

Charlie ruffles Neil’s hair messily, throwing his bag over his shoulder and walking back to Knox’s room, where the boy is staring painfully at his knuckles, which are bruising quickly. He sets his bag down on the bed and grabs some bandages from the first aid kit he knows Knox keeps under his bed, and gently grabs his hand. 

“Neil told me what he said.”

Knox grunts, wincing as Charlie wraps the white bandage around his knuckles tightly. 

“Hurts, dumbass.”

“Sorry,” he pulls tighter for good measure. “Once again, I don’t need protecting. Let Cameron think what he wants, nobody believes him anyway.”

“Can't you just accept help for once in your life, Charlie?”

Charlie raises an eyebrow at the outburst. “Get some sleep, okay? You’re all wired up.”

“Jeez, thanks, dad.”

“Kinky…” 

“Fuck you.”

“Love you too, Knoxious.”

**2)**

Charlie downs the rest of his drink, placing the red cup on the table and clearing his throat as he makes his way back to the living room, where tons of couples are either dancing rhythmically or making out on the couch. He spots Meeks in the corner and walks over, putting on a sly smirk. 

“Hey, Dalton.”

“What’s up, buttercup?”

Meeks rolls his eyes, looking over at the crowd. “Did you finish your physics homework?”

“You’re breaking my heart, Meeks. Talking about schoolwork at a party, that’s just against the law.”

“Have you seen anyone else? I've lost the rest of the group.” 

Charlie scans his eyes around the living room. “Knox is passed out over there. I’ll take him back later.”

“Poor kid. Does not know how to handle alcohol.”

Charlie smiles fondly at Knox’s unconscious figure on the couch. “He’s a dummy.”

“Have you seen, uh, Pitts?”

“Nope. Sorry, I can’t keep an eye on all you crazy kids at once.” 

“I’ll go look for him. Want to gather Neil and Todd?”

“I don’t particularly want to interrupt their sex session, Meeks, voyerism isn’t exactly my thing.”

“Get help, Dalton,” Meeks chuckles, patting his shoulder and heading off. Charlie peels himself off the wall and follows his lead, looking over the swamp of drunken teenagers in hopes of finding his friends. He grabs his phone when he feels it vibrate. 

_ From: Meeks  _

I found Neil and Pitts, do you want me to take all them back while you look for Todd?

_ To: Meeks _

neil isnt w him?

_ From: Meeks _

No, I don’t know where he is 

_ To: Meeks _

shit i’ll find him. take the boys n text me when ur home 

_ From: Meeks _

Will do

_ To: Meeks  _

and turn ur autocaps off old man 

Charlie slides his phone back in his pocket, muttering under his breath. He stops some girl, asks if she’s seen him, and she just winces and points to a different direction. Charlie automatically makes his way over there, his shoulders relaxing at the sight of Todd, who’s sitting against the wall with tears running down his face. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

Todd looks up, sniffling loudly. Charlie sits next to him. 

“I hate- hate everything..” Todd cries, wiping at his face. Charlie looks around nervously, unable to deal with emotions very well, then drapes his arm over Todd’s shoulder. 

“Aw, kiddo, it’s alright. Nuwanda’s here now.”

Todd turns, pressing his face in his shoulder, crying loudly. “‘S not!”

“What’s wrong?”

“Neil- Neil.. I-“

“Did Neil do something?” Charlie ducks his head, looking the crying boy in the eyes. 

“No! That’s the problem! He- he isn’t doing anything, but- but I love him, Charlie, I love him so- so so much.”

Charlie sighs, bringing his hand to Todd’s hair and running his fingers through the blonde locks. “I know, Todd.”

“I love him..”

“How about we get you back home, buddy? You wanna go to sleep?”

Todd turns over more, so he’s practically laying on Charlie’s lap, and pressed his head against his chest. “‘M good here.”

“Todd, you gotta get up-“

“Shh.”

Charlie rolls his eyes, taking his phone out and snapping a picture before sending it to Meeks.

_ To: Meeks _

_ *1 attachment*  _

our boy is not doing well 

_ From: Meeks _

What happened to him?

_ To: Meeks _

he’s fine, just drank too much

idk if i can carry him

_ From: Meeks _

Try? 

_ To: Meeks _

thanks genius 

Charlie frowns down at Todd, who hiccups quietly against his chest. “C’mon, kid, up we go!”

“Not a kid..”

“You’re acting like one right now.”

Todd wipes at his face, and Charlie takes a deep breath before pushing him off, standing up and dragging Todd off the ground. He wraps an arm around his waist and drags him outside to his car, knowing he’s only had a little to drink, and the school is 5 minutes away. He gets Todd in the backseat and drives them back, helping him to his room, where Neil is already fast asleep. 

“I love him.”

“I know you do.”

Todd grunts and collapses on his bed, falling asleep immediately, and Charlie takes a minute to pull his shoes off before heading back to his own room, where Cameron is reading a book. 

“How was the party?”

“Fun.”

“Cool,” he replies. The air has been tense between the two of them ever since the fight. Charlie has no want to communicate with him more than he needs to. 

He makes a mental note to check up on Todd tomorrow, maybe bring him some food as a hangover cure. Beside that note, he makes another one, hoping to knock some sense into Neil. 

**3)**

Meeks is quiet. It’s certainly not a first, but it’s still strange, because Meeks is usually so energetic and bubbly, and though it took many years to understand the nature of his aura, Charlie has practically mastered it. 

So, when he looks over at Meeks and sees him staring sombrely at the ground, he knows something is up. 

“Hey.”

Meeks looks up, shoving his glasses further up his face with his knuckle. “Oh, hey.”

“Everything alright?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“You lying to me?”

Meeks looks away, fidgeting with his textbook. Charlie scooches closer to him with a serious face. 

“Seriously, what’s up?”

“It’s stupid.”

“Shoot.”

Meeks closes the book, sitting back in his seat and looking across the room at Pitts, who is currently entranced in a conversation with Neil about one thing or another. The two of them are passionate in their own ways, and Charlie really enjoys watching them thrive. 

“Have you ever been in love, Charlie?”

Charlie furrows his eyebrows, looking over to where Pitts is standing. “Oh, shit…”

“I don’t- I don’t want things to be weird. I couldn’t stand that, which is why he can’t know.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah.”

“Shit.”

Meeks rolls his eyes, looking at Charlie. “Is that all you can say?”

“No, I just-“ Charlie slumps back, his mouth agape. “You and Pittsey, huh? Well, I guess I should’ve expected that. Wow.”

Meeks blushes, shaking his head. “It doesn’t matter. He doesn’t feel the same.”

“I’m sure he does, my friend. Have you seen the way he looks at you? Why, I do, and boy, is it getting difficult watching your eye fucking occur during dinner.”

Meeks shoves at him. “Not funny, asshole.”

“Buddy, I’m joking. But for real, he definitely does have the hots for you. Hey, how about I ask?”

“No, jesus. Don’t, Charlie, please-“

“Names Nuwanda’s,” Charlie mumbles. He looks over to where Neil has ditched Pitts to stand with Todd, who is staring at him lovingly. “See what I did for those two love sick freaks? Now they’re all happy and monogamous and shit. Don’t you want that?”

“You set Neil and Todd up?”

Charlie shrugs. “I certainly helped.”

“I don’t.. I don’t need that. It’s fine. I’m back home for break next week and it’ll give me some time to get over him.”

“Don’t you want someone special to cuddle up with this Christmas?” 

Meeks rolls his eyes again, shoving his book in his bag. “Look, thank you, but I really don’t need you going all… Charlie on the situation. It’s tricky enough.”

“I’m offended.”

Meeks places a hand on his shoulder as he stands, sighing quietly. “Sorry. But it’s the truth.”

Charlie crosses his arms as he watches Meeks walk away, mumbling something under his breath about how ‘going Charlie’ is most definitely not a thing. Still, he stands a few minutes later, making his way to their tallest and dopiest member of the group. 

“Hey, Pitts.”

The boy doesn’t look up from where he’s trying to fix a wire on a circuit board, but smiles all the same. “Hey, Charlie. What’s up?”

“I just had a question.”

“Hm?”

“What’s your opinion on our dear friend Meeks?”

Pitts’ hands suddenly still. He looks up, narrowing his eyes a little. “Did… did he say something to you?”

“No, no. I just have eyes. And can see the way you stare at him all the goddamn time.”

“You’re not mad, are you?”

“Of course not! Love is love is love is.. whatever that quote says.”

“I thought you liked him…”

Charlie raises an eyebrow. “The fuck? Why did you think that?”

Pitts shrugs. “You two have a weird relationship. You’re like the mom and dad of the group, but like, weirdly sexual.”

Charlie sits down next to him, balancing his chin on his hand. “I don’t like him. And he doesn’t like me. But I do, in fact, know someone he may have his sights on.”

“Cameron?”

“Jesus, no. You, dummy. He likes you. And you like him too.”

Pitts tilts his head. “Did he say that?”

“Not my can of beans to open, or- something. I’m really not good with metaphors, am I?”

Before he can finish his sentence, Pitts is standing, shaking his hands out nervously and making his way out the door. 

“Go get ‘em, tiger!”

That night, if Charlie sees Todd cuddle up to Neil, and spots what he is almost 100% certain is Pitts’ hoodie over Meeks, he doesn’t brag about it. He keeps these victories to himself. 

**4)**

Winter break comes quick. The society members hold one last club before departing off to their families; well, all except for Charlie. He had told his parents he wanted to stay back with his friends, but now, as he sits in his dorm room alone, he finds it awfully lonely. 

Most of the teachers are gone. Nolan sits in his office, ready to reprimand any boy running around, since even though it’s Christmas Eve, his spirits haven’t lifted. Charlie snuffs out his cigarette on the floor and sighs, standing up and wiping his palms on his sweatpants. At least he doesn’t have to wear a uniform. 

Charlie makes his way out of his room, adjusting his shirt so it doesn’t ride up his stomach. He’s  _ bored _ . He hasn’t talked to his friends in 4 days, and even Mr. Keating is gone, so he can’t go annoy him like he wants to. His sulking is interrupted by a minuscule tap on his side. 

Charlie turns, his eyes widening a little at the sight of a young boy standing behind him, his eyes shiny with tears. The boy sniffles loudly, wiping at his cheeks, then crosses his arms nervously. 

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” Charlie softens his voice, kneeling down and frowning.

“I-” the kid wipes his nose. “It’s Christmas, and- and Santa doesn’t know where I live now, and I forgot to tell him last year that I’m not at home anymore, and he’s not gonna- gonna show up.”

Charlie’s frown deepens, and he shakes his head. “No, you see, Santa’s always watching, right?”

The kid nods. 

“So that means he knows you’re here now.”

“Really?”

“Really,” Charlie gives him a smile. “What’s your name?”

“James. How about you?”

“I’m Charlie,” he looks at the clock. “Hey, it’s getting late, do you want me to take you back to your room?”

“Yes please.” the boy blinks the last few tears away and looks as Charlie stands, carefully taking his hand. He can’t be older than 10, and this isn’t the first time Charlie wishes young boys weren’t allowed here, but usually his protests come from annoyance. Not from pity. 

Charlie takes the kid back to his room, humming some old Christmas tune under his breath. Once they’re inside, the boy keeps ahold of his hand, staring at him nervously. 

“What’s up, bud?”

“It’s my first Christmas without mom and dad.”

Charlie sighs unhappily. He wants to tell him something about how it gets better with age, that you never feel homesick because this will become your home, but it’s not true. Because here Charlie is, whining like a baby in his own room while a real kid is forced to stay along on Christmas. 

“Mine too.”

James frowns, sitting down on his bed. “You should go to sleep soon, so Santa can bring you something nice tonight.”

Charlie huffs out a little laugh. “Yeah, sure thing, kid. Goodnight.”

“Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas,” Charlie replies, turning the light off and exiting the room. He presses his fingers to his temple and takes a few deep breaths, hoping to go back to his room and just sleep this off, but his phone starts vibrating in his pocket. He groans a little, debates letting it ring out, but decides to at least check who’s calling. 

When Neil’s name shows up on his phone, he automatically presses accept. He leans against the wall, smirking a little as the line connects. 

“Merry Christmas, Perry. What’s so rough about that shitshow of a house that you gotta call me?”

It’s silent for a few beats. Charlie furrows his eyebrows, wondering if the call disconnected, but he can hear breathing on the other line. 

“Neil?”

“Can you come get me?”

Neil’s voice portrays something scary. He always sounds kind, reassurance and comfort in his tone, but he just sounds… numb. 

“Where ya at?” Charlie starts making his way back to his dorm, hoping to get his keys from the room without disrupting Nolan. 

“I’m at, uh,” Neil inhales sharply. “At the bridge.”

Charlie freezes. He knocks himself out of the trance and speeds up, rushing into his room and taking his keys, then starting toward the parking lot. 

“Neil, why are you at the bridge?”

Charlie thanks whatever god above that Neil lives 10 minutes away, because as he starts his car, he realizes this is all about time. 

“Why do you think, Dalton?” His voice attempts something along the lines of aggression, but honestly, it just sounds weak and worn out. Charlie takes a few beats to speak. 

“Can you get down? Go find somewhere nice to sit and wait for me?” 

Charlie puts the phone on speaker, laying it on the passenger’s seat and starting his windshield wipers up as the snow pours heavily from above. He doesn’t bother with the seatbelt, or checking the speed limits, he just drives to the only bridge he knows, his hands shaking despite the heat blasting in the car. 

“I don’t want to.”

“Neil.”

“I’m okay. Just gonna sit down here.”

Charlie speeds up. He can get there in 5 minutes if he tries hard enough. “What’s going on, Neil? I thought you were doing good. What about Todd?”

He can hear Neil’s breath hitch. “We got in a fight.”

“Doesn’t mean you go and off yourself over it…”

“I’m sorry, Charlie.”

“No, no,” Charlie presses harder on the gas. “No. I’m sorry. I’m not mad at you. I’m coming, though. Okay? I’m almost there.”

“I really love you, you know?”

“Neil,” Charlie laces as much authority in his voice as he can, though it comes out shaking and unsure. “Please. Just stay there. I’m almost there, I promise.”

The line beeps as the call ends. Charlie yells something incoherent, and doesn’t bother slowing down as he approaches the bridge. He stares out the window until he can make out a figure, then slams on the breaks, stumbling out of the car as fast as he can. Neil is sitting with his back against the concrete, his shoes placed delicately beside him. Charlie practically falls to his knees beside him, breathing out in relief. 

“Neil,” he gasps out, his hands shaking as he tries to figure out what to do. “Hey..”

Neil is shivering, his face blotchy and his eyelashes dusted with snow. Charlie tilts his head down to look at him, bringing his hands up to each side of his face. 

“Neil, look at me. Did you take something?”

Neil slowly brings his gaze toward him, blinking slowly. “No.”

“Don’t fucking lie to me, man.”

“I didn’t take anything, Jesus Christ.” Neil swats at his hands, pushing himself up further against the concrete. “I drank a little. But no- no drugs.”

“Good. Good, Neil,” Charlie exhales. He looks back at his car, parked sideways on the bridge with his front door still open, and briefly hopes that nobody will drive past. He can’t calm down; not yet, not while Neil is still like this. 

Charlie carefully maneuvers Neil’s shoes onto his feet, standing up and pulling him up from the ground. His pants are soaked from the snow, and his body is freezing, but Charlie can’t find it in him to care as he cups the back of his neck, pulling him in for a tight hug. 

“You don’t ever do that again.” 

Neil takes a minute before pressing his face into the crook of his neck, breathing out heavily as the cold starts to set in. Charlie keeps his hand on the nape of his neck and leads him toward the car, and once he’s a safe distance away from the edge, he lets go. He slides his hoodie off his body, tugging it over Neil’s and starting to rub at his arms, trying to bring some warmth into his freezing frame. 

He gets the boy in his car, cranking up the heat and locking the doors. He takes a few minutes to breathe, closing his eyes and basking in the relief that he’s got him, Neil is safe now. 

“What was-“

“Can we not talk about it.” It’s meant to be a question, but with the shakiness of Neil’s voice, it comes out as a request. Charlie looks over at him and blinks. 

“No. We need to talk about this.”

“I’m sorry I dragged you over here, I just-“

“Shut the fuck up, you didn’t do anything wrong. You called me. That’s the best thing you could’ve done. And-“ he slowly takes the car out of park, letting it roll instead of driving it passionately like he was before. “And I know things are really shit. I know they are. But you can’t fuckin- you can’t do that. Not to me, not to Todd, not to yourself. You work whatever shit you’ve got going on and you come to any of us for help, but don’t you ever again think that killing yourself is an option. It’s not. Under any circumstance.”

Neil is silent, taking the berating. He closes his eyes and hesitantly reaches over, squeezing Charlie’s hand. “Thank you.”

“Yeah,” Charlie replies, still living in a mixture of shock and panic, his brain not comprehending much right now. “Yeah. It’s- anytime. I’m not kidding. I love you, man. I don’t want you to- to think I don’t. Or that Todd doesn’t. Or Knox, or anyone else.” 

They arrive at the school a while later, Charlie keeping a tight grip on Neil’s sleeve as they walk inside. He stops briefly by James’ door, shaking his head, and bringing Neil to his room. He pushes him inside, locking the door, and helps him get undressed. He usually has the mind to look away while Neil changes out of his clothes, but now, as he tears his soaked jeans off, he’s scared he’ll lose him again. 

“I think this is it with Todd.”

Charlie looks at Neil’s phone, which has been ringing nonstop since he picked him up. “He’s called you 19 times.”

“Really?”

“Yep.”

“Should I answer?”

Charlie shakes his head, plugging Neil’s phone in and helping him get onto the bed. He brings his hand up, gently ruffling Neil’s hair. 

“Promise me you won’t pull this shit again. Or- better yet, promise me that if you want to, you come to me first.”

Neil closes his eyes, pulling the blankets tighter to his chest. “Promise.”

Charlie sighs, pulling away from him and sliding his shoes off, then grabs his phone and shoots a text. 

_ To: Toddy Boy _

i’m with neil. he’ll call u in the morning. merry xmas todd 

He looks at the massive pile of clothes and books on Todd’s bed, then shakes his head, scavenging through their drawers, hoping to get rid of anything sharp or dangerous that Neil might use in the middle of the night. Once he deems the place safe, he slides onto the floor, bundling up one of Todd’s shirts to use as a pillow and closing his eyes. 

His neck will hurt like a bitch in the morning, and Neil will have the distant look in his eyes for a few more weeks, but he’s alive, and that’s all that matters. 

**5)**

Knox is crying. 

This is the most prominent feature of the evening. Cameron is hunched over his calculus textbook, Charlie is playing guitar with his pencils, and Knox is at their door. 

Crying. 

“Uh.”

Cameron stands, shoving his book under his armpit and making a beeline for the door. Knox wipes at his face and sniffles. 

“Can- can I come in?”

“Yeah. Yeah, for sure. What’s…” Charlie sits up, watching as Knox sits down on his bed, staring down at the floor. “What’s up?”

“It’s over with me and Chris.”

“Over like… over over? Or like a break?”

Knox rolls his eyes. “Over over.”

“Shit. What happened?”

“She- she’s a fucking lesbian, Charlie. Or- or bisexual, or something, but she’s got the hots for Ginny Danbury. Wanted to be honest with me or whatever.”

Charlie whistles, placing his pencils down and making his way over to the bed. “That’s fucking awful, man.”

“It’s not- it’s not her fault. It just sucks. It’s my first real breakup.”

“Yeah. You really liked her, huh?”

Knox shrugs. “I guess.”

“You guess? Knox, you were practically whipped for her.”

“I just.. I fall in love too quick, C, it never gets better. Nobody wants me.”

Charlie hesitates before gently placing a hand on Knox’s shoulder. “Hey, that’s not true.”

“It is! How many women have I fallen for that have never felt the same, or- or left me. I literally turned a girl gay, Charlie, do you know how pathetic that is?”

“You didn’t turn her gay, dumbass.”

Knox pouts, wiping at his face again angrily. “It’s not fair.”

“I’m sorry, man.”

“How many more times do I need to get heartbroken before I just give in?”

Charlie raises an eyebrow. He wants to comment on the dramatics, but Knox has always been this way, and he knows it’s best to let him get it out rather than make him bottle it up. He jumps a little when Knox rests his cheek down on his shoulder. 

“I’m really fucking sad, C.”

Charlie places a hand on his knee. “I know. I’m sorry, she was good for you.”

Knox hums, closing his eyes. After a few moments, he speaks again. 

“Maybe I wasn’t as into her as I thought.”

“You’re just saying that because you’re upset.”

Knox shakes his head against Charlie’s shoulder. “Seriously, maybe like… I was trying to convince myself I really loved her. I mean, I did love her. I do. She’s a great girl.”

“Why would you need to convince yourself you liked a girl?”

Knox mumbles something unintelligible. Charlie raises an eyebrow. 

“Wanna speak up, mumbles?”

“So I didn’t like a guy.”

Charlie’s mouth falls open a little. “Knox-“

“I- I was in denial, Charlie. Maybe I didn’t really like her in the first place.”

“You’re talking about Chris Noel, man. That’s like the goldmine.”

“How are you so sure of yourself all the time?” Knox sits up, his eyes hardening as he turns to face Charlie. “You- your life is perfect, Charlie. You know what you want and what you're doing and what to say- it’s infuriating.”

Charlie tilts his head. “Oh- sorry I’m not having a sexuality crisis, Knoxious. I don’t really know how to help you there, so write that one down.”

“Stop being fucking sarcastic for once..”

“Okay, okay,” Charlie raises his hands defensively. “Look, I really am sorry about Chris. You liked her. She liked you. Things didn’t work out, they just don’t sometimes. And I’m sorry you’re confusing yourself about this shit, but I’m not really sure how I can fix that-“

Charlie is cut off when Knox rams his lips against his, his eyes shut tightly and his hands shaking. Charlie goes limp against his mouth, his eyes widening as Knox pulls back just as quickly as he moved in. 

Charlie goes to talk, but finds the words won’t come out of his mouth. He opens and closes his lips like a fish before nodding slowly, sitting back and staring at the wall. 

“I’m.. sorry for that.” 

“Okay..”

“Charlie, I think I like-“

“Hey,” Charlie keeps his voice tense. “Stop.”

“I need to say it..”

“No you don’t.” 

Knox exhales, shaking his head. “No. I need to. I- let me show you, please.”

“Knox…”

Knox leans forward again, his hand catching the right side of Charlie’s jaw, but this time, he goes a little slower, giving Charlie enough time to pull back, but he can’t. Not with his hand on him, not with his lips so close, not with.. him.

Charlie closes his eyes as his lips press against him, a small noise coming from his throat when Knox rubs his thumb over his cheekbone, and he carefully places one of his hands on the nape of his neck, pulling him closer. 

Knox sits up, pushing Charlie back against the bed and sliding his knee in between his legs, breaking the kiss only to catch his breath, and immediately replacing his lips on Charlie’s neck. Charlie lets out a choked noise and tilts his head back, breathing out heavily. 

“Knox-“

“Shh…”

“Is this- is this a rebound?”

Knox moves his lips up to his again, sliding his tongue into his mouth with enough confidence that he could barely recognize his shy best friend. Charlie tightens his fingers in the mess of Knox’s hair, and once he slides a hand under his shirt and takes his own off, the rest of a blurred mess. 

**+1)**

Neil stands outside the door for a solid 2.3 minutes before knocking. He knows Cameron has left, murmuring something about how the aura of the room is too upsetting to be trapped in, and frankly, the whole gang is worried. 

Because it’s been 2 days since anyone has heard from Charlie. 

Neil is the first to admit that he’s ashamed it took him this long to realize something is up. Hell, the energy has been down, their conversations have been quieter, and nothing has been the same since Charlie locked himself in the dorm room. It’s spring break, so they aren’t in classes anyway, but still, it’s scary. 

“Charlie?”

When there is no answer from inside, Neil takes a deep breath and cracks the door open, peeking in quickly before closing it behind him. Charlie is trapped under the covers of his bed, the blankets rising and falling rhythmically over his chest. 

“Hey, slick..”

Neil sits down on the bed, resting his hand on Charlie’s back. He’s facing the side, his eyes open and bloodshot, and his face more pale than Neil has ever seen it. 

“Go ‘way.”

Neil winces at the rough nature of Charlie’s voice. “Not gonna happen, Charlie. What’s going on?”

“Leave me alone, Neil. Jesus.”

Neil pushes down on Charlie’s shoulder, making the boy move and face the ceiling, and he immediately squeezes his eyes shut. 

“What the hell happened, Charlie?”

“Please just get the fuck out…”

“I’m not just gonna leave you here.”

“Neil…”

“Have- have you even eaten anything? Or showered? Charlie, what’s wrong? Why are you acting like this?”

Charlie turns his back to Neil, tugging the blankets up tighter. 

“I’ll- I’ll bring you some food, okay? I can help you. I’ll help you.”

“Fuck off,” Charlie mumbles into his pillow, closing his eyes, and letting sleep take its course for the millionth time in the last 48 hours. Neil sighs, standing up and turning the light off, then heading off to everyone’s rooms to call an emergency meeting. 

“Does anyone know what the fuck happened to Charlie?”

Todd tilts his head. “Is- is he okay?”

“No, he’s laying in bed, he hasn’t eaten anything in 2 days, hasn’t showered or changed his clothes- hell, I don’t know if he’s even gotten up to use the bathroom!”

Knox’s eyes widen. “Wait, really?”

“Yes. He’s a mess. Did something happen that we don’t know about?”

Knox looks down, his cheeks reddening. Thankfully, Meeks speaks up about his worry for Charlie, and they don’t pay much attention to him. Knox suddenly stands, his legs shaking, and bites down on his lip. 

“I’ll be back in a bit. Try and get him to eat?”

He makes his way out of the rec room, fidgeting his fingers nervously. He stands outside of the office he’s grown familiar with, raises his left hand, and knocks twice. It takes a moment but the door gently slides open, Mr. Keating’s friendly face calming his mind immediately. 

“Hello, Mr. Overstreet. Is everything alright?”

“No,” Knox hates the way his voice cracks. “I- I messed up.”

Mr. Keating’s eyes soften, and he looks around for a second before welcoming him inside, clearing off a space on his chair and directing Knox to sit. 

“Are you safe?”

“Huh?”

“Did you hurt yourself?”

Knox shakes his head, chewing down on his thumbnail. 

“Okay, you must tell me, because I’m quite bad at filling in spaces. What’s wrong, Knox?”

Knox takes a deep breath. “I- I did something. Really bad. And I think the… outcome of it is worse than I expected.”

“Okay.”

“I slept with Charlie.” His hand goes over his mouth the second the words are uttered, and he feels his cheeks heat up in shame. Mr. Keating nods, sitting back in his chair and fixing Knox with an easy expression. 

“Alright. Were you two safe?”

“No, but- but I’ve never, uh..” he shakes his head. “Look, I was upset, and- and I made a move on him, and I think it was a really bad decision because now he’s locked himself in his room, and he hasn’t eaten in days, and he isn’t speaking to any of us, and- and I don’t know what to do, because I love him and I hate seeing him upset.”

Mr. Keating inhales slowly. “And you think you hurt him?”

“Yes. Maybe not- like, physically- I’m sorry,” Knox squeezes his eyes shut for a second. “I think he’s like, emotionally upset. And I don’t know how to help, because all our friends are conspiring against why he’s like this, and I can’t tell them, so I can’t do anything-“

“Take a deep breath, Knox. You’re working yourself up quite a lot.”

“I’m in love with him, sir. I don’t know what to do.”

Mr. Keating nods, reaching forward and taking hold of Knox’s hand. 

“Love is a powerful thing, Knox. It makes us do things without thinking, and sometimes, we may hurt those we care for.”

Knox looks at him, his cheeks still red with embarrassment, and swallows thickly. 

“Would you like me to talk to Charlie?”

“Please?”

“Alright. I can do that. Thank you for coming to me, Knox. It means a lot.”

“I just- I want him to be happy. That’s all.”

Mr. Keating stands, squeezing Knox’s shoulder. “Love makes us do crazy things, my boy.”

With that, he leaves, making his way over to Charlie’s dorm, knocking on it and opening it when there is no answer. 

“Jesus fucking Christ, Neil, I told you to leave me alone!”

“You should let more sunlight in, Mr. Dalton. It would accentuate the coziness of your room.”

Charlie freezes, slowly turning over and sitting up at the sight of Mr. Keating. 

“Did Neil send you?”

“No,” Mr. Keating answers truthfully. He walks over to the window and unravels the curtain, letting the sun light up the space instead of turning the harsh light on. He takes a chair and pulls it over to the bed, leaning on his elbows as he takes in the mess of Charlie. 

“Did I miss an assignment, or..”

The sarcastic wit that Charlie tends to exhibit is lacking in his tone of voice. He sounds tired, worn out,  _ morose.  _ Mr. Keating shakes his head. 

“Your friends are rather worried about you.”

“Let them be. It doesn’t matter anymore.” 

Mr. Keating raises an eyebrow. He scans his eyes over Charlie’s face, with his prominent eye bags and matted hair. The kid is a mess. 

“Mr. Overstreet sent me, actually.”

“Knox? He- he finked, didn’t he. Oh my god, the nerve of that asshole-“

“He didn’t ‘fink’, Mr. Dalton. He came to me as a worried friend. Someone who cares.”

“Tell him to grow up.”

“Is there something you wish to talk about, Charlie? I’m all ears, no judgement, I promise.”

Charlie rolls his eyes. “I don’t need a therapy session.”

“I know. But you are going through something tough, and I want to help in any way I can.”

Charlie pulls his knees to his chest, resting his chin on his forearms. “I don’t.. I don’t want to say it, because if I do, then it makes it real.”

Mr. Keating smiles, crossing his fingers together. “You don’t have to say it, I’m afraid I’ve already been made aware of the situation.”

Charlie looks away, biting down on a piece of skin he had been peeling from his lip before. “I’m not… I’m not some queer. Maybe I was just trying to experiment.”

Mr. Keating shrugs. “Maybe. It’s not my place to decide what you wish to label yourself as, or if you even wish to label yourself at all. But, I am worried about your well-being, and I think that by speaking on this situation you’re allowing yourself time to heal.”

“I don’t love him.”

“Okay.”

“I can’t- I can’t love him. I mean, I love all my friends. Neil and Todd, well, pretty much everyone but Cameron. He’s a dick.”

Mr. Keating doesn’t even try to hide his amused smirk. 

“I just- I don’t want things to be different.”

“What do you mean?”

“I like being there for everyone in the group. I like taking on their problems and fixing them, it- it gives me a purpose. But my own shit is too hard to deal with. I don’t want too spend too much worrying about my own stupid feelings when my friends are dealing with things much bigger.”

“You take on the role of a leader quite easily, Mr. Dalton.”

“I guess.”

“But even leaders need someone to watch their back.”

Charlie says silent. 

“There is nothing wrong with accepting help, or reaching out, or needing a question to be answered. There is nothing wrong with not being able to fix everything, or… having a preference for your own gender.”

Charlie looks up, his eyes a little panicked. Mr. Keating gives him an easy smile. 

“You are young, Charlie. You don’t need to know the answer to everything. Conflict comes, however, when you know the answer, and choose to ignore it.”

Charlie looks down at the blanket. “I love him.”

“You should tell him.”

“I don’t know how.”

Mr. Keating sits up straight. “If there is one thing you will not need help with, Mr. Dalton, it is how to use your words in a compelling manner. You are one of the smartest boys I have met.”

“That’s a lie.”

“I don’t lie. Ever,” Mr. Keating stands up, straightening his shirt. “Now, I hope you do consider making these proper decisions, because you certainly deserve to be happy, kid, especially with how much you do for others.”

Charlie tightens his jaw, looking off at the wall. 

“And please, for the love of all things holy, take a shower, and eat some food. I will be back in a few hours to check up on you, and I expect you to be out of bed.”

“Thanks, captain.”

“Anytime.”

Once he leaves, the room is automatically occupied by Knox, who stares at him with a worried expression. 

“This is my fault, isn’t it?”

“Shut up.”

Knox sits on the bed, a frown on his face as he carefully places his hand on the side of Charlie’s face, examining his features. Charlie keeps his jaw gritted as he tries to avoid looking him in the eye. Knox slowly moves forward, pressing his forehead against Charlie’s, and breathes in slowly. 

“I’m sorry.”

“I love you.”

The words come out all at the same time. Knox sits back, furrowing his eyebrows. “What?”

“I love you. Like- in more than a bro way. As in I want to be in a relationship. And stuff.”

Knox grins, his concern replaced easily with an excited look. “I love you too. A lot.”

“Okay. So that’s cleared up.”

Knox cups his cheeks, bringing his face closer and gently kissing Charlie, his hand going to his hair, but pulling back when it’s met with knots. 

“Jesus, C, when’s the last time you showered?”

“Few days ago.”

“C’mon.”

Charlie stares at him hesitantly as Knox stands, holding his hand out. He slowly takes it, allowing the taller boy to pull him into standing, and drag him toward the showers. He makes sure nobody is inside and helps him in, gently stripping him from his clothes and sitting him down on the shower floor. 

“You okay?” Knox asks, slipping his sweater up to his elbows and grabbing some shampoo. 

“I feel pathetic.”

Knox shakes his head, angling the warm water down on Charlie and kneeling down, tenderly massaging the shampoo into his hair. “Let me take care of you.”

“I don’t need to be taken care of.”

Knox presses his lips to Charlie’s cheek. “Yes you do. We all do. It’s okay.”

Charlie closes his eyes and allows Knox to clean him up, and the other boy stops each of his protests with a kiss or a verbal reprimand, constantly reminding Charlie that he’s okay, that he’s good, that he’s loved. Charlie feels both overwhelmed with support and nausea. 

Once he’s clean, Knox ties a towel around his waist and takes him back, helping him get dressed. He changes the sheets on the bed and makes it nice and comfortable, sitting him down and sending a text. Within a few minutes, the rest of the group is in his room, carrying food and movies and everything Charlie has been trying to avoid. 

“Guys…”

“You take care of us all the time, Charlie,” Pitts shrugs. 

“Yeah. When- when we’re drunk and- and having a breakdown,” Todd supplies, looking rather embarrassed. 

“Or setting the group up into couples.”

“I’m still single,” Cameron speaks, quieting down when he’s smacked in the arm. 

Charlie can’t help but smile as they pile onto his bed, forcing food down his throat and surrounding him with love and playful teasing. Once the rest of the gang clears out for the night, Charlie presses his forehead to Knox’s collarbone, sighing quietly. 

“What’s wrong?”

Charlie turns and keeps his lips against Knox’s skin. “Have I lost the title of dad friend?”

Knox snorts, bringing his hand up to massage his scalp lightly. “Never in a million years, Char. You’ll always be there to take care of us when we’re fucked.”

“I guess so.”

Knox kisses his temple, closing his eyes. “Get some sleep?”

“Yes, sir.”

Later that night, when Mr. Keating looks into his room and finds the two of them curled up against each other, the room smelling more clean with hints of leftover food, and Charlie looking well groomed and happy, he closes the door silently and returns to his office. 

Things are tricky. Being a teenager in a private school is tricky. Sorting out your feelings while trying to help everyone else navigate theirs is terrifying. 

But if anyone can come out of it a winner, it will be Charlie Dalton. 

**Author's Note:**

> charlie is an aries sun and a capricorn rising prove me wrong   
> also pls leave a comment if u want i love talking to u guys <3


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